I haven't been around much lately. The two weeks after my last post i spent my days off in la with Jacques. The longest we went without seeing each other during that time was four days. There was lots of bonding time. Now we are at 3 weeks. There are tentative plans for me to go down there next wednesday. We will see. There is so much I could write about the progression of us. Comments like "it feels like forever since I've seen you, and it's been such a hard time for us both, I wish we could just hang out" and random phone calls just to talk (which he has never done, ever). That blog would take forever though. I miss him terribly and can't wait to get down there!

I have mostly been absent from xanga because I have been terribly sick. Extreme nausea, exhaustion, daily fevers over 100, dizziness all lasting about 3 weeks. First I thought it was a flu, then everyone had me terrified I was pregnant, I thought I was just run down from so many trips to la, work, side work with my ex and a project with Jax all at once. Wednesday I ended up in urgent care and was told I had a raging kidney infection that would have put me in the er with bad complications by the weekend. I was instructed to go straight to the er if my nausea got worse, any pains started and I was not better in two days. Of course my symptoms worsened and I ended up in the er after a second trip to urgent care. I don't have insurance so I was hoping urgent care could help. =( The er ran a bunch of tests and rehydrated me then told me to go home. =( Jax was so incredible this whole time I've been sick. He has worried endlessly, checked on me multiple times a day, if I did not keep him updated I got in trouble, he called the project manager and had our project due date pushed back a week so I could get better, so many other little things. He said he wished he was in the er with me so he could entertain me and help me kill time. He told me today I am not allowed to get sick again because he was too worried and stressed. Lol. Men. He's been really sweet though, another thing I never expected from him.

Around thursday my grandmother was taken to the hospital for a urinary tract infection that made her septic. At 92 that is quite dangerous. The dr's told my mom not to expect her to recover but she did. They cleared the infection out of her body and she was doing much better and slated to come home today. Still quite weak and still in the hospital she suffered from a heart attack last night. It was a pretty major attack and they do not feel she will recover this time. I dont think she will be coming home...the family is all coming out to see her. I am so sad I don't know what to do. I hope she wows everybody again and gets better. I mean, she beat cancer twice, got within inches of death from sepsis after the second cancer battle, survived sepsis at 92...a heart attack should be nothing for her right?? Yeah, ill keep trying to convince myself. She is my last living grand parent, always my favorite and I love her terribly. =(

I really wish I had a more upbeat topic to blog about...

I spent an amazing 40 hours in LA. It was time that, no matter which direction this ends up going, I will always cherish. We've known each other 6 years, but this time together was a different kind of getting to know each other. 40 hours straight, just him and me. We just hung out, laughed, played, joked, learned more about each other and just had fun. I could see him relax and the stress ease off as the time went on. I got to overhear him skype with the boys, which just melted my heart. He really loves and cherishes them, hes an amazing father. I guess I should explain that the kids and their mom are on the east coast so, I stayed with him for two nights. Yes, I stayed at their apartment. I don't regret it, not even sleeping in their bed with him each night. It was awkward for me at first but he worked to make me very comfortable. I saw why he is so miserable. At one point he said "I really hate coming home". Broke my heart to hear the way he said it, I feel bad for him, the whole situation sucks. I just want to make it all better. I can't say if the trip was a good thing or a bad thing for us. There is definitely a stronger connection and there is a difference in the way he texts me. Now he says stuff like "I work tomorrow for nascar but I will text you from the track". It is good that we make each other happy. It is good that we get along so well and have a lot in common. I also say the same things are bad. Bad because they could cause a strong attachment to me(or each other) that will end up causing issues. I will continue to just let this run it's course, with him calling all the shots because I just don't know what to do. I think I might be deeply in love. Scares me to admit that.