You have changed so much since I have been gone. It will take some time for me to get used to I am sure. I apologize for my absence, life, it happens. After my computers died I got out of my blogging habit so, when I had access to a computer again xanga became something I thought about randomly while in the shower or driving about. I think about the people I met here often and miss everyone. My phone died so I lost many numbers. =(
For my blogging re-introductory I shall attempt to make this shorter and start with a why I’m back summary. Aside from missing all my xanga friends, it is time for the final steps of my ‘become who you’ve always wanted to be’ journey. Years of changing and fixing! I’ve achieved much of what I wanted. I hit my goal weight, I lost half my body weight and then some…I got the amazing man who treats me the way I’ve always wanted, I’ve got friends who care for me and a family who knows me and supports me, we’re even learning to communicate! Gasp! Through all this change and the usual growing up changes, I’ve lost some of Me. Jen has gotten lost in the mix and I gotta fish her back out.
After almost 3 years together Rusty and I have hit a crucial part in our relationship. In losing me I lost my confidence, this was of course a down hill slide to second guessing my every move, making stupid thoughtless decisions that I never would have done in the past and pushing myself to about an inch away from losing all that I have worked to achieve. Not acceptable!! In my final attempt to fix this, I have vowed to find Jen again. I sat down one night to think about how to do this. I made my notes and lists like I do, and I came to the conclusion; I no longer blogged. I stopped taking that little bit of time for me, where I sort out my crazy mixed up ADHD thoughts and views without judgement. I’ve stopped doing little things for me because I was busy, I resented everyone else who enjoyed themselves and that’s just not cool. Bad Jen!
Ups, downs and rambles of past errors are probably all soon to come, thats ok, as my counselor (yes even started therapy) says, I am Just fine how I am, and I could be better. I will be, it’s how I do things.
So vow started I am here, and I am blogging. Come along for the ride if you dare! =D