Here I am finally doing ok, I don’t feel so depressed, I actually am starting to feel happy. I miss love. I want to find someone for me, someone who feels the same way that is. I have a great job offer coming any day now. Life is finally getting good. I am terrified what will happen sunday, next month, december. Sunday would have been 6 years together, instead we are apart, he is happy and I am alone. Nov, the terrible month, dec 1st, the day I left to start our “break” and dec 18th, the day he ended everything. How will I cope?? I am so afraid. I don’t know what to do. I will be working sunday night, that might help, still the rest of the day contains nothing. Alcohol. My oblivion. Maybe I will try to get something to calm my nerves too, I don’t know. I am just afraid of loosing all my progress.

Almost a year, it feels like another one wasted.

Blerg.

So few pictures and so many updates. =( Should I apologize?? lol

Worked at Job #1 Sat, wasn’t scheduled but they called me in. I really enjoyed it! I did well and got complimented by the manager a few times. Yay! =D My flats are broken so I wore my 3inch heels that I am not used to wearing… Painful, to say the least!  Sat night there was a huge halloween party…and I missed it. I am sooo sad!!! =’(. A decent weekend though.

Being that I work tomorrow at Job #1, I went yesterday to buy some shoes. Ran into a sale, got 4 pairs of shoes, some really nice jeans and a shirt for $150.00 (mom bought..<3). Not too bad being that two pairs of shoes were boots. Boots aren’t too cheap, I love them though! Super cute!! The sales girl (a manager) really seemed to like me. I have NO idea what I did to make her love me so. When I was checking out she asked if I was looking for a job. They are looking for an assistant manager. I said “Yes!” and filled out the app, went in for an interview today. The interview went great! Apparently my outfit was great, “No one has shown up for an interview looking that great in a really long time!” She thought my answers were good. She told the manager with a huge grin “I am so satisfied, she did great with all the questions, good eye contact and everything!” She said so many other good things! It was more like a conversation between friends rather than an interview. She is trying really hard to get me the job. Lol. I still wonder what I did to make her love me so much and to be really rooting for me. I’ll take it, no complaining! There is only one other person so far who is eligible for the position so I will keep my fingers crossed. It would be a full time (not seasonal) position and for $25 a paycheck you get insurance!! I really really want it!! Again *fingers crossed*. They said either way I probably would get a part time associate position. Another job only guaranteeing 4-8 hours a week.

Just found out Job #2 scheduled me for a 6 hour shift sun and another next sat. I like this being busy and having things to do stuff. Having three jobs (if I get job#3) will make for some really long days in the coming months, but I am still excited!

Well, end job update.

I am hoping to take some pics here soon, we will see. =D

It is like America insists on getting lazier and lazier!!

Despite the recession, my town is still expanding and developing areas of town. In one of these newly developed areas they build a Little Caesars Pizza place…WITH A DRIVE THRU!! Well, anyone not familiar with Little Caesars, they are a lower standard pizza chain that offer a “fresh and ready” large pepperoni or cheese pizza for $5.50. Well, I am sorry, I do not care that the pizza is cheap and usually immediately available, or that you can call your pickup order in, I find it absurd that pizza place has a drive thru window. I have seen and used a drive thru window at an ice cream place, and yes, if I do eat fast food I use the drive thru, but to me a pizzeria is not a drive thru window type of place. I absolutely refuse to use this drive thru. Pizza to me is delivery or pick up. Pick up means parking your car, getting your lazy ass out of your car and picking up your pizza. I actually prefer pizza restaurants where you can sit down and enjoy it with your family, ya know, make a night out of it? Every time I drive by this place and see people lined up, cars running and polluting the air with their exhaust, waiting on their “always available fresh and ready” I just want to yell, “Get out and walk two feet you lazy asses!!” I am sure it seems pretty stupid to be so frustrated by this being that the drive thru window is not a new, or foreign concept. I just see it as the beginning of the end? Fast food is gross and it lowers the quality of our food. The more people who expect instant gratification and convenience the crappier our food gets, more businesses will switch to fast, crappy food, and the more unhealthy the American people become. This, makes me sad. I wonder, what is next?

Take a look at other countries, very few of them have “fast food”. They have healthier foods with much less preservatives. They are less over weight, healthier and I bet happier. Hearing about the foods my cousin is eating in Japan, he has lost 20 lbs in 2 weeks! My Aunt and her family went to Italy and the food was so much better than here. My sister says the same about France. So I wonder, will Americans ever follow suit, or will we corrupt countries who make smarter decisions?

I know my personal banning of pizza drive thru windows will not put an end to it, but it keeps my personal values intact. I will continue to park far away from the stores and walk across the parking lot, I will continue to get out of the car and walk inside instead of using drive thru windows(if I happen to eat fast food), and I will continue to search for great, healthy, preservative free foods to keep my body clean and healthy. I will do all of this instead of giving in to the New American way and becoming lazy.

Anyone agree with this? Is a drive thru window for pizza absurd and taking laziness to another level? Or am I just being a crazy, over dramatic person venting my frustrations? Opinions, please.

I never got to take the photos I wanted. By the time I had time to go out and shoot, the last object for the plog (photo blog) was no longer there. So instead of pretty pictures you get a lame update blog. Sorry.

As of yesterday evening I officially have two jobs, I go for training on Tuesday. My friend who is a retail store manager gave me a seasonal position, didn’t even need an interview. I am the only one she is just handing a job to. I am special. lol. No hours from B&BW yet, none this week, or next week, will find out on sat about the week after next. Damn seasonal position. I am anxious to get to work. Two jobs will make for a very busy Christmas season for me but I am excited. I am also going tomorrow to apply for a management position at another store. It would be amazing if I could get that job, I would have a guaranteed job after the holidays that way. I can do three jobs for a few months. No biggie. Plus I would finally have to money to go back to school!

I found out last night that my ex’s little sister is pregnant. 20 years old and 10 weeks along. I love her like she was my own little sister. I wish I could be there for her, I want to go hug her, I miss her. Being there for her would be hard in the current situation, especially now that the ex’s new thing is becoming friends with his sisters. I will refrain from contacting her. =( The situation makes me sad though.

Nothing has happened with the timeshare yet, no word from the ex, no word on anyone helping me yet. Need to sit down and discuss some thing with my mom. I’ve been handling everybody’s problems and not my own. =( I’m a bit stressed and I am looking for ways to cope.

Weight loss seems to be at a plateau, but because the walking I am pretty sure that I am just building muscle mass and loosing inches. Most of my everyday clothes and work shoes are too big, the clothes that fit are not good for work, so I gotta go out and buy more. Gotta ask mom for a payday advance…lol.

Wires in my car started smoking yesterday, leaving my mom stranded 45 minutes away. They turned off the engine, grabbed the baby and jumped out of the car fast so no one was hurt but they were afraid to turn the car back on. Yay life. Lol. The neighbor and his BIL went to my mom’s aid and got things working. I have really got to find a good paying job asap so that I can get everything (new car, timeshare, bills, school) taken care of!

I think that is it as far as updates in my life. I’m interesting huh?!?!

Living together 4 years, joint accounts, a great business together, joint business loans, baby plans laid out, the words “I am ready to propose” have already been spoken. A wonderful life all laid out. A great vacation ending in the purchase of a timeshare. A life time of vacations around the world for less than $20,000. Free hotels in resorts around the world? My dream to travel becoming reality. My dream of taking my kids to see places many never get to on the horizon. Too good to be true, life is never this good.

He ends it, two days later goes on a date, 3 weeks later is officially in a new relationship. I am left with my parents, a few dollars in my pocket and no job. He takes the timeshare, he wants it and is the only one who can afford it. After all he was the one with the final say so about buying it. After splitting up assets he owes me about $11,000. This was typed out and signed by both parties. Hey, I may have been screwed over, but I am not dumb.

Fast forward 10 months. He is now fighting the amount he owes again. All this prompted we think, by the new SO/fiance. He has money issues. He no longer wants the timeshare and plans to let it default. It is already one payment late. My great credit is at risk. =( He said that he will take my name off the timeshare in return he no longer has to pay me money. Not cool. I wish I had a great job that paid enough that I could keep it. I want the timeshare so badly, it was an amazing deal and I really dont want this effecting the next 7 (prime/critical) years of my life. I am looking for someone who will help. My aunt or my brother maybe? I hope. Split the payment and use the timeshare. I would still like to keep it for my kids. So from there the situation depends on the person who helps. I pay you back, you use it or rent it until I you are paid in full. From there I will resume full control and you will always have a week long timeshare to use if you like. I don’t know just ideas bouncing around in my head. I will probably just let default. It is pretty impossible to sell. I am out of options and I just want to cry.

Sorry for the rant.

The skies and sunsets have been so pretty because of the storms we’ve had. I have only taken a few pics though. =( Here are a few, of the few pic I have taken. lol

These birds were flitting around in all these cool little patterns. =)

If there is a God, he must like this house!

A rainbow right before the storm. As I went back inside the skies opened up to a crazy storm!

The same sky, just to the left of the house instead of in front. I am finally able to see those lovely Golden Ca sunsets in my own backyard! Hehe

The setting sun. <3

Hope everyone had a great day!

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students of the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes”. The professor the produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents life. The golf balls are the important things – religion, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house and car. The sand is everything else — the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. So…pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

-Author Unknown

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

I found this in a weekly flier thing that was at the pharmacy. I thought it was worth sharing. =)

Work was good. This getting up at a decent hour and eating 3 decent meals in a day is confusing to me. lol Been such a long time. Spent 7 hours sitting in the back watching a video, taking tests and filling out this booklet thingy. A long day, never have I been through training so that was so…long. I really enjoyed everybody I met, and the girls I trained with today. I really really hope that they give me lots of shifts. Now that I have started I want more and more! I wanna work! Lol I think it is gonna be a great place to work and really hope that they keep me on after the holiday season!!! I am still searching for a second job though. I am afraid I won’t get many hours because they are hiring 24, yes 24 seasonal employees! =(

I need to do a pic post..

Yay work! =D

A blank heart is not dead, or incapable of love. It is afraid of love, of being broken and blank again.

Maybe it is just a blank puzzle, waiting to be filled in by the right person.

Either way, blank has potential. Blank may feel bad but blank has hope and a future. See it as a good thing.

Day 6: Blank Entertainment

Does anyone want a dog? She is a sweet dog. Half chow half mutt (we think coyote), she is a good…9 years old? Needs to be in a home were she is allowed inside if need be. She is terrified of loud noises, thunder/lightening, fireworks, sirens, and well, anything resembling a gunshot. If she hears any of this she stats shaking and tries to get inside by any means. The only commands she knows are sit and speak. Though you have to tell her to speak a few times for her to actually bark. She is lazy and will just grumble and growl at first. lol. Nobody took the time to train her or anything. Her name is Molly. I would post a pic, but she is hiding and I don’t know where she is.

I attempted to go to bed early last night. Had lights out by 1:30. After tossing and turning, and a little fighting with Romeo to stop him from climbing the screen door I finally drifted off somewhere between 2:30 and 2:45. I woke up at 3 to this loud slamming noise coming from the kitchen. At first I thought it was my dad opening and closing the microwave. Romeo cam running back into my room and cuddled next to me shaking a little. When the noise happened a few more times I got up and peeked out my door to see what it was. I saw my dad, standing in the kitchen with the old cow whip. Molly had come into the house when he opened a door to go out. We had terrible electrical/thunder storms last night and she was afraid. She was hiding behind the kitchen island trying to get upstairs to hide. Every time she attempted to run my dad would whip at her, hitting the ground and scaring her even more. I started shaking with fear. You do not understand the look he gets in his face. All of a sudden I was that little girl in elementary school having things thrown at me (he was careful to never actually hit us) and being yelled at, demeaned, threatened in that menacing way. Molly finally got away and sprinted for the stairs. He followed and I hid behind my door. If he saw me, the anger would have switched to me. I ran to bed to cower under the blankets while I heard the whip hitting the floor upstairs. I knew my mom was up there doing the same as me. Cowering under the blankets, trying to look like she was still sleeping. Molly finally realized it was scarier in the house and my dad was able to chase her outside. He didn’t stop there, he was so pissed by this time that he followed her from the backyard to the garage yelling and whipping. I was peeking out the blinds silently wishing he would stop and leave her alone. I saw him come back in the back yard and I hid again. She must have run to the end of the gated patio by my door. I heard another yell and something crash outside my slider. I can only imagine she jumped the gate and ran after that. Still afraid of the thunder she tried to come and lay under the desk on the patio like she usually does. Every time she tried my dad would yell/whip and she would run. I cuddled closer with Romeo, tears in my eyes and shaking, terrified. I was afraid he was going to kill her. I don’t remember what time it all stopped. I know I did not calm down enough to fall back asleep until at least 4:30. My alarm was going off at 6am. Too exhausted and scared to attempt to look professional for the interview I did not go. I was afraid he was still awake and I didn’t want to be seen.

I made the decision last night that I had to get rid of Molly. I don’t want to take her to the pound, but I will if I have to. She deserves better. I wasn’t going to tell anyone because my little brother would be really upset, I would just take her away. I would prefer to find her a better home than here. I know the pound would just put her down. I am terrified my cats are next. His anger has been boiling and my mom and I kept saying he is going to burst soon, we’ve been scared and treading on eggshells for days. I will be hiding Romeo a lot more from now on.

When my mom asked him today what happened last night, he said that Molly was not listening to and obeying him. A terrified, irrational untrained dog was not listening to you? No surprise there dumbass. Your solution is to whip her? I hate you. I wish there was animal cops here. I would call them and beg them to put my dad in jail.