I am a bit behind today but...work calls...
Scattered around my little 'side of the house oasis' are fallen red leaves. I just think they add such beauty and color to the place. It would be dull with out them since there are no flowers. I have really come to enjoy the area and plan to make it mine. hehe
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My grandma is, a sweet old lady. So I always thought. They say as patients with Dementia and Alzheimer's progress they get mean. Well I know it is true, to an extent...
A little back story, my Grandma, while I love her dearly has some terrible qualities that we have learned of these last few years. She is a kleptomaniac. She will steal from the lost and found at church, and even at the dollar store. She changes price tags to get a dollar item for 25 cents! She will steal anything in the house and hide it in her room. iPods, makeup, baby toys, silverware and clothes to name a few. If you catch her and confront her, she gets pissed and she lies.
Yup she is terrible about lying and making up stories. If you find something hidden in her pockets or down her pants she says she found it on the floor and didn't know where to put it. Or that she has one just like this and thought it was hers, then proceed to fight you for it! My sister's boyfriend got hurt at work and she said that she read it in a pamphlet or something. She once said that she had a pet monkey growing up. lol She told my mom the dog killed it, told my dad they sent it off to the circus and told my aunt they sent it off with a family to live in Africa. She has this way of manipulating a situation so she gets what she wants. Too bad I don't fall for it. She will look at a shirt and say "oh that is so nice, I remember I had one just like it growing up. I wish I still had it." or "This reminds me of something my dear old Uncle had, where can I get one?" All in hopes of you surrendering the item she wants. The manipulation is terrible!
In the last year or so she has become almost cruel. She will open a magazine and blatantly point and laugh at anyone she considers fat. If she is watching a movie she calls any actor or actress who is not drop dead gorgeous ugly and laugh at them. She will say "man when I was growing up the had much better looking people on tv. How can you watch these people? Look how fat that one is!" Oh it really pisses me off!
So last night, we are watching a movie for my mom's birthday. We pause the movie so my Grandma can go to the bathroom, when my mom goes in to check on her she laughs and says "you know every time I see that girl out there she gets fatter" Well that girl was me, and hey! I've lost weight!! Well my mom starts crying and says "Mom that is my daughter. How can you say that when your mom was a heavy woman." She makes up some lie about how she was just commenting off the conversation they were just having. Huh? You were alone in there woman! I heard only what my mom had said and did not know that she was talking about me. I was really pissed because she was making my mom cry on her birthday. When she came out she started playing with things on the counter I was trying to clean. I told her she could leave those alone and go to bed. lol. She goes in her room and overhears my mom crying to my dad on the back porch. She tries to go out there but can't open the baby locked door. I ask what she is doing and she says "I am trying to go see why my baby is crying" I told her, well, You said mean things and made her cry on her birthday." I was a bit harsh both times, but I have an Irish/Italian temper and dammit she was messing with my mom! lol
After my mother explained the situation to her my Grandma came in the house and apologized to me, I was still not in a forgiving mood(and still did not know what was really said), but I explained to her what it is that she says and how it comes across, but I still accepted her apology. She had an excuse as always then went into her room, weeping and talking about how she used to be teased for being fat. Well we all know that is a bunch of bull and a story she is telling to turn the sympathy onto herself.
Later my mom told me what my grandma had said, I was incredibly hurt. I still am. I do so much for my Grandma, I have never made fun of her, and have never laughed when she has had "accidents" which I had to clean up. We cater to her every whim and she repays us by being cruel. So today, I am trying to figure out, how can you be mad at someone who, this morning does not remember what happened. I will get over it, but in the mean time, I am hurt and don't know exactly know where I can put my feelings.
I feel like all I need is a little babbling brook or a pond and I would have the perfect sanctuary. I will have to take a full picture so you can see why I find this side of the house so beautiful. =)
Dont forget C_l_o_g, Shining_Garnet, and lil_mama2499!
How come everything looks prettier in water's reflection? I wonder, is it because it is distorted?
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I have this lump in my throat of worry and stress that I just can't swallow, I have breaks in my heart of hurt and pain that I just can't heal, I have this look in my eyes of sorrow and need that I just can't clear. I have tears on my cheek because I just can't. Can't solve any of it.
I have words in my head I need to get out, so many words that could fill so many pointless posts I just cannot bear to write.
I could vent about my day and how horrible it was, I could stress in writing about my worries, or I could cry on the xanga shoulder about the depression that consumes me.
Instead I will continue to sit in the dark, the threat of tears lingering behind every thought and mindlessly watch tv like a zombie.
There is a piece of my heart that could belong to you. It is locked in a box, hidden by fear and consumed by feelings of inadequacy. I don't think you realize that it is there, I know it will go to waste but it is there nonetheless, sitting, wondering, and possibly even waiting.
"but her heart has been shattered, the pieces lay inside, in fragments much too tiny, to recognize"
I'm not a liar,
You said
I see us growing old
Together
I love you
I didn't mean it
I was afraid
I love you
I am ready to propose
Lets prepare for a baby
I love you
I don't know what I want
I just need some time
I love you
He used my phone
She's just a friend
I love you
I'm not a liar,
You said
You lied,
I loved you
I think I shall be a cheater and make a pic post and timestamp it for yesterday. Hehe. Not much sleep and up really early yesterday, ran errands then spent the rest of the day moving my sister into her new apartment. Got back to town late late, went grocery shopping then bathed the baby(instead of sending him home dirty). A full day! I get heat stroke really easily and we worked in 100+ degree weather, so I was exhausted. I slept 12 hours last night and feel a bit refreshed. =) Today is still a lazy day though. hehe I am working on catching up on posts I missed and trying to comment it all. I did go out and take pics though. No words for my interpretation of the pic or what I was feeling when I took it. I will let it speak for itself and see what it says.
Check out C_l_o_g, Shining_Garnet, and lil_mamma2499 too. =)
My cousin used to rent one of our houses and when he moved out he gave this to my mom. I believe he got it while stationed in Japan. I've always liked it. It reminds me of the book Memoirs of a Geisha as this is what I often imagined they looked like. I really love that book. =) I made the background black and white so that she stands out. hehe
Go peek at C_l_o_g, Shining_Garnet and lil_mama2499's pictures too.
I am not in the best of moods today. =( Don't feel so hot, my arm is really bugging me (the sting site) as it is still really really swollen and is starting to frustrate me. I am tired. Plus, I went to pick my sister up from school, got there 10 min early, they got out 10 min later than she said, then my mom picked her up from a different parking lot. No one told me!! I even changed my plans to accommodate picking her up, and told her last night I was going to get her. Grrr! Bad day! So every pic I tried to take today did not come out good enough with the standards I try to set for myself. I gave up and chose a picture I took a few days ago. I am cheating. =( I feel like I have been a bit lazy, on and off, with the foto takin. Gotta get my butt out there!
So...bad mood you cannot hold me back, I will take over you and there is nothing you can do about it. Ha! 
hehe
Don't forget to stop by C_l_o_g, Shining_Garnet and lil_mama2499!
The First Day of School: Kids dread it, Parents love it =) Hehe
My little brother and sister started school today. I can't believe she is a junior and he is a sophomore! I feel old. LOL
Check out C_l_o_g, Shining_Garnet, and lil-mama2499 for daily pics too! =)
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