Yes I will be revealing some sexual facts here so it you don't want to know you can stop reading now... What constitutes cheating? Sexting? Phone sex? In his words..."helping him cum". Is that cheating? There is no emotional attachment, just attraction and sex. I am still having issues with the morality of my actions yet barreling forward like a moron. Losing a little bit of respect for myself as I go along. I've been the other woman before and always promised myself I would never be again...he is just so damn good with words I find myself going along with his suggestions. Is this an affair? I have been invited to visit in LA, even if it is just for dinner and some time just hanging out. I have also been invited on a 3 day trip to Chicago(which I'm scared I'll accept)...and got confirmation that this was not a "just this weekend" sort of thing. Yet we can go from "sex" and gotta wash up...to a 15+ minute phone convo about the kids, woman, and extended family. The "friendship" is just as it was, just some new stuff mixed in. Men never cease to amaze me. I know I am probably not the first affair, i believe the wife knows or has an idea... he is at least 15 years older than me and will never change. Why not enjoy it while it is available...? Right? Oh, did I mention that this "wife" is best friends with my exs new gf and that she was very much a part of the new girl pushing her way in between the ex an me at our weak moment? See why I don't feel too too horrible? (OMG someone shoot me I've turned into a heartless bitch) My little sister said im the wife's karma...i don't know about that but it makes me feel better...I wish someone could slap some sense into me but who knows if I'm smart enough to listen.

I do, really stupid fucking things...i need to be smacked or something...
You feel good because he is attracted to you (first to express it after being alone for so long), you were always very attracted to him...Ok almost half in love with for years...
He was a friend, a business partner. He is a wonderful guy. He has a fiancé/wife (unknown exactly) who I know and like, and 2 kids.
"I miss working with you and you being around"
He started it, he is ultimately responsible....I try to convince myself with lies
Now, I feel like a bit of a whore and we weren't even in the same state.
What does he think if me now, how will the friendship continue from here on out?
I am a horrible, terrible person...I deserve nothing good
The worst part? If he said he was in town next week and wanted to meet up, I'd probably go...
Yup, please feel free to shoot me now

Retail, it is a shitty business to work in. There are times when I hate my job...then you turn around and make someones day by helping with a gift or finding the right outfit. Something little like that and you heh a huge from and expressive thank you. I mostly love the people. so many stories just this month alone. The woman with thyroid cancer determined to just beat it and be done with it. The girl who has lost 100lbs and is excited and teary eyed all because of the size she is now wearing. The couple who got their car broken into at the mall and all their Xmas presents stolen...the woman who has 5 minutes to find the perfect pair of pants for her part outfit. It goes on an on. The last was today and after she paid she looked at me and sincerely said you are wonderful with customers, finding the right item and teaching your coworkers. She expressed her gratitude and said next time she was looking for something she would be coming to my store first not last.

So why am I so sad and stressed? For some reason I always end up working with the people who are still in high school. It tires me out and stresses me out. Since I started my management Job there has been drama. A good portion of it seems to come from the other co- manager and being that the store seems to have a sorority vibe, favorites, cliques, drama and shit talking...high school. The co- manager seems to have gone from loving me to disliking me awfully fast. I never known if it is because there is something wrong with me or if these people who cause drama with me are just worried about me " taking their place". Either way the drama, talking down and acting like I'm an idiot is getting to me. If I here abonyore shot talking CEO apre honest source I will be adresaifnit directly. Until then I have made an investment that is great for helping me deal with the drama stresss.

Other than that life is pretty good. Spent some wonderful time with my friends on tue...I've had a whole two days off this month and working off about 3-6 hours of sleep a night. I am hoping for all on this wednesday off, then of course I get sat off. I a so not ready for Xmas lol.

Hope all is well with my xanga peeps!! =D

Winter means:

•A million bajillian blankets on my bed
•Cold mornings meant for sleeping in and cuddling with someone special
•Rainy nights by the fire with a blanket and a book
•The feeling of christmas in the air
•Making a bah-humbug smile and knowing you did something special
•Time to stay in and spend special moments with family, friends and loved ones
•Snow!
•Short days and long nights good for candle light and wine
•Big soft cuddly robes!
•A season of giving
•Love

These are just a few of the things that come with winter, is it any wonder why it is my favorite season?
Now, id just like someone to spend it with..

Happy winter,
Happy hoildays, and
Be sure to appreciate those you love as much as possible!

Home from a long day at work...and all my head is thinking is a loud and expletive FUCK(excuse the language)... =( I am getting sick. The week of black Friday?? Really? Just my luck. Yup, the congestion, really bad sore throat and exhaustion of sickness has set in....well...the exhaustion could be from work too but who knows. Either way I am pumping myself full of vitamins and emergen-c hoping to kick this before it gets out of hand. Oh. And the blisters on my toes have blisters. =( I wish I could wear just comfy ol' sneakers instead of shoes that torture a woman's foot! lol. Looking into work friendly, comfy shoes here soon. Other than the above all is good. I am in a good mood and happy. I enjoy all my jobs and am excited about all I am and will be learning in the management position. The associate I met and worked with today was this wonderful lady that is so awesome I just wanna go hug her. lol. Total mom vibe but you gotta love that! =D Mostly I am excited about the fact that I get to sleep in tomorrow!!! YAY.

A work filled but good weekend. How about you xangaland? How was your weekend?

So I got the official offer from Job #3 yesterday! Yay! I am a bit nervous becuase of the "manager" part but I know once I get in there and learn everything I will be fine! =) It is about 2 weeks training then, before I get my keys I have to pass this big ong test....yay. Lol. Now my only problem is time management for "black friday". Work Job #2 11pm to 8am, Job #3 said they will put me as a closer (not sure the exact ours yet) and Job #1 wants me from 130pm to 9pm. Direct conflict with Job #3, the most important one. I know by calling and saying I cannot work I will probably be "let go" as it is mandatory for employees to work that day. As much as I like the job I don't feel too bad about the situation. This is the job that, in the month of November only scheduled me 2 on-call shifts, which resulted in 0 hours worked in Nov so far. At least Job #2 has given me lots of hours. So, I am not going to kill myself next Friday for a company that does not seem to need me (despite being thoroughly impressed at my customer service, computer, and store running skills). I dunno, if they want me to work from like 9am to 2pm, I might be able to get Job #3 to do a 3pm to 9pm or something like that. Agh. We will see.

How has everyone been?? I haven't really kept up with everybodys blogs lately, I am sorry! =( Once this holiday season is over I know things will calm down a bit.

When I have internet I get too busy and forget to stop by xanga. When we don't pay the bill and have no internet I miss xanga like crazy! lol

Update on my simple life: My big brother and his wife came for a visit last weekend. It was nice to see them! I was satisfied with the time I got to spend with each of them so that makes me happy. For not getting along with the SIL when she first started dating my brother, we sure have become pretty close. She was really good to me and there for me in the split with Chris. She sat with me when I cried, hugged me when I needed it, she got all angry and big sisterly, and she gave me lots of love, it really made us close. I am very thankful for her. Anyways, it was a nice weekend.

Work has been good. Only on-call shifts (where I end up not being needed) from Job #1. Job #2 has given steady hours, at least 2 shifts a week (which is good for seasonal). Did an all nighter last night for floor-set (in other words, rearranging the whole store, walls and everything to put out new items) worked 9pm to 6am. Whew, I am rum dumb today! Makes me a little thankful Job #1 didn't need me for my call-in shift today. Job #3 has had a few hiccups first the District Manager said to the Store Manager, hire whomever you want for the Assistant Manager position and I will give the go ahead. Then she said, I need to interview her. So I did the phone interview with the DM and did a follow up interview with the SM the next day. Now we are waiting for corporate to give the go ahead. I am only competing against myself for the job and both managers really want me so it really is a shoo in, well except for corporate. =( Still keeping my fingers crossed, you never know what may happen. I tend to live in that crazy 1% ya know? lol. Will know by Wed morning at the latest. I am anxious to get into a full time position!

That is about it, work tomorrow, hopefully Job #3 works out well because they will start me asap. So things will be busy for a while!

I hate the single dating scene! Oh I feel so hopeless. Yes I am just starting out but damn! After lots of hurt I decide it is okay to put myself out there. The first person I was interested in sometimes made me feel like it was just a sex thing, other than that, he is a great person. Yet he goes from talking to me very often to...hardly ever... I wonder what did. The second is a really awesome guy that I have known for years, he has two kids(not really an issue)..but possibly a girlfriend. I have yet to confirm that. He flirts with me endlessly, not innocent flirting either. It seems like everyone I find attractive is taken. Is there a good single guy out there for me? Grr. I am sad, a bit frustrated too.

I need either a beer or a joint. Yeah...I've been watching 70's Show too much and it (as Fez says) "gives me needs".... lol

Haven't posted in forever and then all I post is crap. Sorry! =(

Here I am finally doing ok, I don't feel so depressed, I actually am starting to feel happy. I miss love. I want to find someone for me, someone who feels the same way that is. I have a great job offer coming any day now. Life is finally getting good. I am terrified what will happen sunday, next month, december. Sunday would have been 6 years together, instead we are apart, he is happy and I am alone. Nov, the terrible month, dec 1st, the day I left to start our "break" and dec 18th, the day he ended everything. How will I cope?? I am so afraid. I don't know what to do. I will be working sunday night, that might help, still the rest of the day contains nothing. Alcohol. My oblivion. Maybe I will try to get something to calm my nerves too, I don't know. I am just afraid of loosing all my progress.

Almost a year, it feels like another one wasted.

Blerg.

So few pictures and so many updates. =( Should I apologize?? lol

Worked at Job #1 Sat, wasn't scheduled but they called me in. I really enjoyed it! I did well and got complimented by the manager a few times. Yay! =D My flats are broken so I wore my 3inch heels that I am not used to wearing... Painful, to say the least!  Sat night there was a huge halloween party...and I missed it. I am sooo sad!!! ='(. A decent weekend though.

Being that I work tomorrow at Job #1, I went yesterday to buy some shoes. Ran into a sale, got 4 pairs of shoes, some really nice jeans and a shirt for $150.00 (mom bought..<3). Not too bad being that two pairs of shoes were boots. Boots aren't too cheap, I love them though! Super cute!! The sales girl (a manager) really seemed to like me. I have NO idea what I did to make her love me so. When I was checking out she asked if I was looking for a job. They are looking for an assistant manager. I said "Yes!" and filled out the app, went in for an interview today. The interview went great! Apparently my outfit was great, "No one has shown up for an interview looking that great in a really long time!" She thought my answers were good. She told the manager with a huge grin "I am so satisfied, she did great with all the questions, good eye contact and everything!" She said so many other good things! It was more like a conversation between friends rather than an interview. She is trying really hard to get me the job. Lol. I still wonder what I did to make her love me so much and to be really rooting for me. I'll take it, no complaining! There is only one other person so far who is eligible for the position so I will keep my fingers crossed. It would be a full time (not seasonal) position and for $25 a paycheck you get insurance!! I really really want it!! Again *fingers crossed*. They said either way I probably would get a part time associate position. Another job only guaranteeing 4-8 hours a week.

Just found out Job #2 scheduled me for a 6 hour shift sun and another next sat. I like this being busy and having things to do stuff. Having three jobs (if I get job#3) will make for some really long days in the coming months, but I am still excited!

Well, end job update.

I am hoping to take some pics here soon, we will see. =D