January 29, 2011
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Just a little confused ranting. =)
It is so...weird...for me to be treated so well. I think I have said that before, maybe not here. It just feels like well, I'm the other woman, there to be the whore and nothing else right? Being treated so well makes me feel like something is coming, like something will go wrong or something. Haha. I'm so negative. Candles, back rubs, at one point I felt an intimacy that was not there the first trip, other little things. We did a movie and a long lunch both days I was there, good conversation and getting to know each other better than we already do. A relationship based on pleasure, it doesn't seem right to have this friendship going too. Mmm...Who knows that i am saying or thinking. I know I am not "over analyzing" it or making something out of nothing as most women do. I know and understand that I am just his "whore" there to fulfill the needs that his fiance it not fulfilling. That is my place. So how can I explain to myself all the extras. What are we dating too?
*confused*
Comments (14)
I can see how this would be confusing.
@C_L_O_G - So I am not being just stupid? lol Dont know if I am confused over nothing or not.
Hi Jen, I am sure you are confused--he is treating you really nice though engaged to be married. He must like you at some level more than just the sexual pleasure. It is hard to see how this will finally end---marriage or dissolution. I hope you do not get hurt, but you seem realistic and ready for it to end.
Hope your weekend goes well,
frank
@ANVRSADDAY - We were casual friends for 6 or so years before we started this so I am not sure if it is just because of that...I dont know. I do know that they have been engaged for about 3 or 4 years and have no plans at to when they get married. Have no idea what is going on there. Don't find it my place to ask either. lol I try my best to be a realist. If it ends, then it ends ya know.
@walking_a_long_lonely_road - He was more like a nice acquaintance or friend. That makes sense. Anyway, you seem realistic about it. It does make you wonder about his fiancee. My wife to be and I dated for 4 years, then she dumped me for a guy named Marty--who she still talks about. She went with him for over two months then wanted to get back together. I agreed. It was a little strange getting her back, but we married a few months later.
frank
@ANVRSADDAY - He was actually a business partner to my ex and me, before that he was my ex's boss and friend. It is an odd situation. He has two kids with his fiance and no plans to leave her. They are good together, she just doesnt have sex with him anymore. I don't want them to break up but I do not see how a sexless relationship will work long term. lol I am a cynic too i guess.
I find it interesting that you took her back. I would have been hard pressed not to.
@walking_a_long_lonely_road - No, you aren't stupid. You are traveling in unknown territory and your feelings are involved, not just your mind and your pleasure centers.
Plus, it seems you are getting mixed messages from him.
@C_L_O_G - I am am able to keep the emotions from affecting my rational though in this. You are correct though, didnt see it that way but yes, I think I am getting mixed signals. Its frustrating... lol
It is perfectly normal that you feel confused. What your mind tells you about the situation and what you feel when you're inside it, are two different things. On the top of everything is very confusing to have feelings or to find oneself inside a situation we perceive as somehow ''not right''. Because our feelings for someone, and the feeling of being well treated and cared for, can never really feel wrong. But then reality tells you that this is a situation in which you can't put your hopes in, and also there are a lot of already made images in our head about situations like this (like just being his 'whore')
And yes, anyone would me emotionally confused....how not to be. You feel involved with someone and that someone treats you well and makes you feel important. He doesn't make you feel at all as if he's with you just for the sex, and I find it unlikely that it is only for the sex anyway. Feelings and the human heart are definately not simple, and as we go through life we find ourselves in the strangest situations.... The major problem for you could be that it is hard not to build your hopes up, even if being rationally very aware of everything. So...yeah...don't really have anything very useful to say, but wanted to let you know that I do understand your feelings.
@walking_a_long_lonely_road - I don't think a sexless marriage can work, but maybe it works for him by the two of you being lovers. Wishing you the best.
About taking her back, lol--it was not an emotional decision--just like 'OK.' lol I never asked her anything about their dating experiences. She mentions him several times a year to me during conversations. I guess it is a happy memory to her.
Have a very nice Sunday,
frank
@ANVRSADDAY - I agree, going elsewhere is the only way...
I would have had quite the hard time taking her back so easily. I commend you, especially for the lack of an interrogation... =D
You're just bonding, I guess.
I hope you don't hurt his fiance. You could cause a lot of emotional turmoil and cause some scars that she may carry for life.
I question if he really deserves her. (I also question why she won't sleep with him, although it's her body, her choice). And, if he gets along with you better and she doesn't fill his sexual needs, why's he staying with her?
Sorry if I'm prying too much...
@darkgreenwriter - He and i had long talks about that. Neither one of us wants to hurt her (though she helped her friend break my ex and I up). He told her many times he was not sexually fulfilled but she did nothing to change that. She threw herself into being a mom and doing dog rescue that she just doesn't have sex with him anymore. He is actually a really good guy and had a hard time making the decision to start the affair. She's not an angel either, she just hasn't cheated. He hasn't left because he loves her, plus they get along wonderfully. I dont know how the situation will end, I'd prefer if I were the only one hurt. I can hope that they fix the relationship...
@walking_a_long_lonely_road - It is just a strange condition, but sex is a part of life. I don't know...hopefully she'll become open to it or realize the affair is happening, but will take a "don't tell me and I won't ask" approach.
I understand, it's hard and frustrating, for men especially I think, when a partner loses their interest in sex or their sex drive because of stress or whatever.
I wish all three of you the best.
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