September 21, 2010

• Father rant. Apologies.

  The weekend was shit. Well, my Aunt was down to help with Grandma which was pretty nice, we had a nice visit and she was better this time. The worst was sunday, my dumbass father broke the water main and we had to fix it. He spent the whole day pissed off and yelling at everybody who was trying to help him. It was his own damn fault and stupidity that broke it and we suffered as usual. Today, I was talking with my mom, I said I had not heard from the medical place and would call tomorrow since this evening was one week. She said, well if you don’t get this one I will have to do your interviews for you from now on, maybe you;ll get a job. Break my heart a little more please. It is not like I don’t spend my day thinking “what is wrong with me?” She goes and reinforces it. She said she as just kidding, but it really felt like a stab in the heart. So I am sad, depressed and vulnerable, I need to vent my father anger

  My father is an ass and I truly hate him. I hate him so much that I shake with anger. He makes my life a living hell. I fully remember now why I so desperately wanted out of the house when I was younger. Other than the way he treats me and talks down to me like I am a complete idiot, he is mentally and verbally abusive. He is a lazy bastard who thinks everyone should bow down to him. Since moving back home I have done my best to buy all my own stuff, all my toiletries, food, gas (despite my car mostly being used for my parents errands), stuff for my cats to make their lives easier. I have loaned my parents money many times and even bought their food and stuff, never once saying you owe me now. I have had to put all my shower stuff/toiletries into a caddy and carry them from bedroom to shower because if I do not take my stuff out of the bathroom, the ass will use it. Go out of his way to use my toothpaste, razor, shampoos and face wash. My food, the special food that I have to buy because of my food “allergies”, I have to hide. If I do not, he will eat it, then deny it. If I say anything about it, he will throw whatever he can in my face, we buy the rest of your food, we don’t charge you rent, if I can’t eat your food you can’t eat mine. Aren’t parents supposed to be there for their kids during hard times? It’s not like I don’t do anything in the house. I am his damn slave. 25 and can’t go out with my friends sometimes because he is mad and I will get in trouble when I come home. My one big, “grown up” possession I did not leave in la was my couch. I love it. I have offered for the family to use it if they were careful not to ruin it. My mom said no and it is back out of the way in the living room. It is a little sectional with big comfy cushions and instead of cushions for your back, big comfy pillows. Yes, i love it. lol. Asshole spends his day watching tv. He is so damn lazy and fat that, sitting in his chair he squishes the cushion down to nothing. To compensate he puts pillows on the chair before sitting. I find out today that the fat ass is taking the pillow cushions from my couch and sitting on them, squishing them to pancakes. Must he ruin everything? His logic, well you did not take care of our stuff when you were growing up so why should I take care of yours. I was not at all destructive a a kid!!!! I work my ass off for him, cleaning and taking care of his stuff and this is how he pays me back. I am so frustrated I want to cry. I know it is dumb, but that couch means a lot to me and it kills me to see it get ruined. I proceed to hide all the pillows, stating that I was going to look into getting them cleaned. That is a lie, I can hardly afford to by food these days. Let the yelling begin. I am now in trouble. For trying to preserve my own things.

  Just needed to rant. I am miserable and seriously considering moving out and living in shelters to get away, I would be happier that way. Sad huh? Arggg. I hope this all doesnt sound like I am some superficial dolt who can’t be happy with her circumstances and whines about every little thing that goes wrong in life. I am really the opposite, I promise. *sigh* I do know how to be happy, it just is not possible with the ass around. He sees to that.

  • 4:34 AM
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