August 25, 2010
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A Rant: Last night, my Grandma called me fat…
My grandma is, a sweet old lady. So I always thought. They say as patients with Dementia and Alzheimer’s progress they get mean. Well I know it is true, to an extent…
A little back story, my Grandma, while I love her dearly has some terrible qualities that we have learned of these last few years. She is a kleptomaniac. She will steal from the lost and found at church, and even at the dollar store. She changes price tags to get a dollar item for 25 cents! She will steal anything in the house and hide it in her room. iPods, makeup, baby toys, silverware and clothes to name a few. If you catch her and confront her, she gets pissed and she lies.
Yup she is terrible about lying and making up stories. If you find something hidden in her pockets or down her pants she says she found it on the floor and didn’t know where to put it. Or that she has one just like this and thought it was hers, then proceed to fight you for it! My sister’s boyfriend got hurt at work and she said that she read it in a pamphlet or something. She once said that she had a pet monkey growing up. lol She told my mom the dog killed it, told my dad they sent it off to the circus and told my aunt they sent it off with a family to live in Africa. She has this way of manipulating a situation so she gets what she wants. Too bad I don’t fall for it. She will look at a shirt and say “oh that is so nice, I remember I had one just like it growing up. I wish I still had it.” or “This reminds me of something my dear old Uncle had, where can I get one?” All in hopes of you surrendering the item she wants. The manipulation is terrible!
In the last year or so she has become almost cruel. She will open a magazine and blatantly point and laugh at anyone she considers fat. If she is watching a movie she calls any actor or actress who is not drop dead gorgeous ugly and laugh at them. She will say “man when I was growing up the had much better looking people on tv. How can you watch these people? Look how fat that one is!” Oh it really pisses me off!
So last night, we are watching a movie for my mom’s birthday. We pause the movie so my Grandma can go to the bathroom, when my mom goes in to check on her she laughs and says “you know every time I see that girl out there she gets fatter” Well that girl was me, and hey! I’ve lost weight!! Well my mom starts crying and says “Mom that is my daughter. How can you say that when your mom was a heavy woman.” She makes up some lie about how she was just commenting off the conversation they were just having. Huh? You were alone in there woman! I heard only what my mom had said and did not know that she was talking about me. I was really pissed because she was making my mom cry on her birthday. When she came out she started playing with things on the counter I was trying to clean. I told her she could leave those alone and go to bed. lol. She goes in her room and overhears my mom crying to my dad on the back porch. She tries to go out there but can’t open the baby locked door. I ask what she is doing and she says “I am trying to go see why my baby is crying” I told her, well, You said mean things and made her cry on her birthday.” I was a bit harsh both times, but I have an Irish/Italian temper and dammit she was messing with my mom! lol
After my mother explained the situation to her my Grandma came in the house and apologized to me, I was still not in a forgiving mood(and still did not know what was really said), but I explained to her what it is that she says and how it comes across, but I still accepted her apology. She had an excuse as always then went into her room, weeping and talking about how she used to be teased for being fat. Well we all know that is a bunch of bull and a story she is telling to turn the sympathy onto herself.
Later my mom told me what my grandma had said, I was incredibly hurt. I still am. I do so much for my Grandma, I have never made fun of her, and have never laughed when she has had “accidents” which I had to clean up. We cater to her every whim and she repays us by being cruel. So today, I am trying to figure out, how can you be mad at someone who, this morning does not remember what happened. I will get over it, but in the mean time, I am hurt and don’t know exactly know where I can put my feelings.
Comments (10)
I’m sorry *hugs*
My grandma was mean too, but she actually remembered everything she did.
just keep telling yourself that she does not know what she is saying no matter how cruel it is. she is only a shell with a defective hard drive. it is not her fault. ::hugs::
That’s tough. Sorry you have to experience it. Sounds like you’re dealing with pretty well, though. I don’t think there’s an easy answer when it comes to alzheimer’s. We watched my great aunt (she was like a grandmother to us) live with it and she didn’t recognize us for the better part of the last 5. It’s hard.
@Shining_Garnet - Thank you, I think it would be worse to have her be mean on purpose..=( it is just new for us because she was always so nice and sweet!
Try to remember that she doesn’t know what she is saying. Your comments to her, harsh as they may seem to you, were appropriate, and might have gotten through to her — I find that, if I call my mother on some of the things she says, she sometimes treats me better for a while. Meantime, try to remember the nice things she has done. ((hugs))
@buddy71 - The thing is, she knows what she is saying because she can immediately make up lies and try to defend her actions. She only felt bad when she found out she was talking about me. She recognized me but only as someone who is there often. When she realized it was her precious Jenny she hurt she felt bad. To me, it shouldn’t matter who the person is, you just don’t say stuff like that. =( grrr!!
@lightnindan - Thank you, I really try. I couldn’t imagine dealing with her if she had Alzheimer’s! That is much harder then Dementia but the progression of both is so sad.
@slmret - Thank you, like I told Buddy, the hard part is, she does know what she is saying. She just doesn’t care until she finds out she has said these things about me or someone else in her family. Just knowing my Grandmother can think so cruelly is hard, and sad. Like my Mom said last night “Did I ever really know my mom? Has she just lost her ability to censor herself?”
This REALLY hits close to home for me, but in my experience our family put my grandmother in a home when it was to difficult for us to take care/watch after her. I served as a housekeeper/beautician to her in the last couple of years she lived at home. When she was put in the nursing home, I withdrew quite a bit.
I in no way know how to tell you how you should deal. Or react in that matter, but if I can share a poem that I wrote after her passing. Link
I assumed she would eventually act the same way that your grandmother does now, that is why I kept my distance from her, it was too hard for me to see her in that state. I now regret it…
Lol, my sane grandmother told me I was fat compared to her daughter (my mother) at our age. I was very Insulted! But she is also the grandma who grabs my breast if I am not wearing a bra, sheesh! I am used to her telling me I don’t know how to pick out men, I need to work in the medical field, I need to get a better job. Yadda yadda yadda. I think I blogged about it once.