December 10, 2009
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What do you do when your world comes crashing down in front of you? It feels like my life is over. Not in the sense that I'm gonna go kill myself or anything. I just...have to start over. My whole life over again.
Chris has not broke up with me yet, but I know it is coming. It might not, but if I hold onto hope I will be crushed...again.
First off, Chris has been talking to the girl (from the lie in my last post) non stop since yesterday or the day before...like through the night non stop...I fear there will be something between them before long. At least on her part. And I do not trust women.
Second...I was checking his email for work updates. I do this often because there are important emails that do not get forwarded to me to keep the clients from bugging me about stuff I do not know the answers to. So there was an email asking about the assets that I am in possession of. I saw he responded and I needed to know if I should send them. I went to read the sent email...without quoting the whole thing it said.
"The assets you are talking about Jen has. If you want to ask her for them go ahead. Had a talk with my cousin as well. As a result, I might be pulling the plug here soon."
He sent that to our friend/business partner. Apparently he (business partner) was rooting for me. His cousin probably just told Chris the what he felt, I know he didn't say bad things about me he likes me. But I know he didn't lie or tell Chris he should stay with me. If anything he probably said if you are gonna keep screwing with her head you should just let her go.
Needless to say I panicked, if he does break up with me, what a way to find out right?? That is not at all what I expected to see, I was just checking on our business's work. My mom gave me another anti-depressant, because I was so upset/devastated/panicking etc. It calmed me down and has helped me cope today. I did not sleep well last night. I just don't know what to do. End of Sept he was "seriously considering proposing". Now it over?
I am about to lose the love of me life and everything we have built together. I cannot stop it, I just have to sit and wait for it to come. If there was anything in the world I could do to go back to the end of the summer, anything I could do to fix this, I would do it in a heartbeat. For once in my life I was the luckiest girl in the world, in the best relationship ever, with my best friend and now it is all being taken away.
Why?
Comments (1)
why? that is the $60,000 question. i could come up with all the reasons i ended my relationshipos and looking back they were all small, but all bunched together, large! all i can say and based on my experience, i really dont know the why. but thinking back...i was no longer important to her. it stopped being a we and it became a me (meaning her.) it may not be anything he can put a finger on, it just becomes. i wish i could tell you to fight, but fight what. if he is not willing to talk, then you can not know what or how. and the sad part? he may not know either. (this i know well)
:hugs:
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